After getting comfortable with my England and Belarus cosplays over the span of a few years I had also put together a Fem!England cosplay, which I still love to this day. That one I bought with my own money for –yikes– a pricey $230! The Fem!Englad helped me get more comfortable with my cosplaying. Up until that point I had typically only done regular England (my Belarus was in no shape for a convention) and I have no complaints about that but when you use the same costume multiple times it starts to get a bit boring. I experimented bringing it out in public, we did a big cosplay meet up at our local mall, I went to cosplay picnics, and I even attended our local convention, Genericon, which I feel was probably the best convention to attend as a beginner. I loved that cosplay and I had made small improvements here and there on it; however, after my America and I had stopped talking I no longer had any reason — or desire– to wear it again. At that point my feelings for her were so strong that when we stopped talking I genuinely considered not cosplaying anymore. I felt that I had no reason to without her by my side.
That feeling of maybe not emptiness, but definitely somewhere along those lines, is exactly what my next character needed in order to thrive and twist my life around.
Somewhere in that mess of a few years Pookie (Amanda) showed me this super awesome totally nerdy website where I could express myself and not feel judged except for the occasional rude anon (or at least that’s what it was at the time. Now that site is a freaking mess). When Tumblr. and I were introduced it was like love at first sight –or in this case, site– I spent all of my time on my Tumblr. My life pretty much consisted of Pookie coming over every day after school, the two of us spending all night on our laptops, and her basically living at my grandpas house with me. I had my own personal blog where I would post about my love USUK, FrUK, and other Hetalia OTPs; and of course it wouldn’t be Tumblr. without a million pictures of cats and super depressing text posts.
Tumblr. was like a drug, I always wanted more and more. I think there was one point where I had about 6 different blogs that I regularly posted on, thankfully I’ve just recently condensed it down to one blog that I sometimes check up on. I felt that using Tumblr. was critical to making me more social (HA! Yeah right). From this site, and a few of our friends, Pook and I were introduced to a bunch of animes, Ouran High School Host Club, No. 6, Attack on Titan, all of the studio ghibli movies, and so many others that I won’t bore you with the list.
Now I can’t really remember how I came across my next anime, possibly a combination of our old friend Michelle, and things that I saw online, all I remember was Michelle and I were the only two in our small group of friends that ever got into it. Our next anime(or mine anyway) was Black Butler.
Black butler was easily one of my favorite animes. I watched the first season over and over and over and over. One character in particular really caught my attention. I studied that character like I had to write a long long report that my grade depended on. I studied them to the point that I knew the exact shade of their hair color, the exact shape of their glasses, all of their mannerisms, even the exact pitch and tone of their voice.
No I wasn’t obsessed with this character, but I certainly related to it. I felt that if I were to ever be in an anime this is the exact character that I could relate to. My sweet, chaotic, red-headed reaper: Grell.